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they dont care, holla...

must do things after high school graduation, or after UAN and college shits

1. get hair extensions, dye hair brown-er...

2. stop eating or eat then throw it up

3. buy a 50mm f/1.8 or a 50mm f/1.4

4. MAJOR shopping

5. close my facebook

6. GYM-nation

7. live life to the fullest...

basically, i hate high school so much already. i dont mean to be unthankful or ungrateful...

i dont hate the people, i hate the system.

even though i am often misunderstood, doesn't mean i'm always good...

sometimes you wonder, do they even care about you.

stop wondering, start doing your own thing.

dependency suck ass

people who care wouldn't even put you in a state of doubt

i will stop trying so hard

okay, i am insomniac. It's official that i should get prescribed over-the-counter sleeping pills. i sat here at 1.49 AM, it's monday already. My room is a mess, un-hanged cardigans hanging helplessly on my chairs, scrunched up tissues all over the wooden floor, shoes everywhere, empty tissue boxes and... teddy bears.

For these past few days(read: weeks) i have been constantly riding the emotional roller coaster ride, and no it is NOT PMS-y. Basically, there's like this huge hole on my chest and it keeps growing wider and deeper. Apparently i am hurt. I've drunk all the liquors i can manage to fill this hole up, and it does for sometime, but it just doesn't last... I've tried eating my way through it, but i just ended up throwing it up. It's like my body rejects those sodium, trans-fat filled food... I've tried sitcoms, laughed while watching, and that's about it...

NOTHING WORKS FOR ME

(even porn)

Not forgetting that i am feeling lonely... EXTREMELY lonely. It's not like I demand attention, i am no attention whore. But i am lonely, which explains the teddy bears. Oh yes folks, i am collecting teddy bears now. I have this one big teddy bear in my room, i always put it on the corner of my bed, since i felt so alone... i started hugging it when i sleep... to realize i will still hold it tight when i'm awake. I cry so easily now, i don't show it tho... i'm glad my room has a lock :|

i've been meaning to tell anyone who reads this, i got a friendship issue

i do not like gangs and so-called solidarity, if you're close, you're just close.i dont like sticking to just one particular circle of friends, but believe me i am nooo social butterfly. i dont do well in groups, i work better on my own (why do i feel so lonely then? dammit). However, i am loyal... i keep secrets well and i am a good listener (despite my crazy mood swings i am actually a good friend). I get offended easily, but i am no drama queen so i dont show it.

These are the things I'm bothered with...

1. people who you spend your time with most of the day doesn't equal an actual friend

2. people have other people they prefer to share their stories to

3. those people might not be you

4. yet why do they have to talk so loud about their 'secrets'

5. aren't secrets supposed to be kept private

6. does the word WHISPER comes into mind

7. you are annoyed

8. they ask you what's wrong? having a bad day?

9. "Fuck off!" you managed to say in your head, "No, i'm fine..." you blurted out...

10. you choose to be alone, dodging these questions..

Wait, i just figure out how i got to this lonely, desperate state.

Quite satisfying...

NOT

and one thing? is it possible that a close friend doesnt tell you about their love live because they think/know you dont have one? or you dont have any experience?

do they? Ouch...

sighs

You know, when you watch movies, you see these friendships and you fantasize on being in one...

fictional friendships i envy

1. Friends (Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe)

even though phoebe and ross annoys me sometimes, they are just wonderful :( and it's friendship in New York, what else do you want...

2. Calvin & Hobbes

Oh God, envious much!

3. Harry Potter (Harry, Hermione & Ron)

They are just fabulous aren't they? :(

okay, bored to death now...

ending this...

Sunday

Sunday for me is

1. Going to Church Day

Which is always fabulous, it's another excuse to dress up and look fabulous, because when you're praise the Lord you better look good :) Lol, it's actually more than that. Church is exciting and nurturing for me, you feel cleansed and happy going there, it's way better than counseling or any therapy your doctor tells you to do. When you praise the God you believe in you just feel thankful you know, for EVERYTHING he had done for you. You just feel happier about life.

2. Going to the Market Day

Weekly shopping with Mom and Sis, even though it's tiring, especially if we go to the traditional market(which we almost always do) but it always have it's own fun. Like when i saw my mom being familiar and known in the market and being so friendly the merchants, i keep on asking, will i be able to do that, cause like if i'm gonna be a mother i would probably do the same thing right? Like she can tell if the meat is good or not, how many days has it been there and stuff just by giving it a glance, my mom rocks, it's awesome. And HOW CAN SHE MANAGE TO GET HALF A PRICE OF EVERYTHING SHE PURCHASED? Like how can she persuade the merchants to give her half the price, or 3/4 of the price AT LEAST. This little things just amazes me :)

my mommy and daddy, aren't they adorable :)

3. Nerd Day

Sunday is the only day i can catch up with my projects, home works, reports, study schedule and such. You know i'm preparing for my entrance exam for UI right? I'm aiming at the International Relation, having faith on in despite what EVERYONE said. So, no having total obvious fun on weekends until I GOT ACCEPTED :) Oh Lord Jesus, i put my life in your hand, You know what's best for me. Ora Et La Bora! Working and Praying!

Nerd Attire, just to entertain you guys...

Plaid oversized shirts, glasses, hair in a bun, nerd nerd nerd hahaha

So, i'll continue my nerd mode on haha, got piles of work to be done, Cheers everyone!