Love Love Love

I found myself trapped inside the ever-so-confusing holiday madness, with a broken heart to go with it, I am not the type of person who ponders around my own despair, yet this time it felt different.

I blame my sensitivity, I've mentioned before that I've been riding the emotional roller coaster ride for awhile,ooh the loneliness.

As a mere human being couldn't help to fall in love, or maybe lust.

"Lust is Lush" that is my new quote. I think I fell in love.I'm not quite sure about it though

What is love anyway? I'm never sure about that.I love my family,but I know that's different.

I love, a boy. He's not my bestfriend, not even a close friend. I'm the type of girl who made fun of myself to make ends meet, unfortunately it seems that my affection for him derivated towards 'buddies' than lovers. I didn't know him well, yet after a few random conversations he had managed to chain me with his smirks and charms. He's gorgeous to me, even more I adore guys who are skilled.He reads books aswell as comics, he's passionate about his hobby, he completely cares about trivial things in life, he's mannered, well-groomed, he's smart and he's not even trying and he makes me laugh, every single time.

See, obviously I am in love :|

But I know he will never return my feelings, he will never think of me more than a friend, to him I am someone he could talk to about almost everything, yes, we talk about a girl, the one he's pursuing.

However I rather have him talk about that than he's not saying anything at all. Even when we talk about her, I smirk at the thought of him dating and being a boyfriend to that girl, it does kill me inside every single time. Yet, I couldn't help but to wish him well.

Everytime he ask for my help, asking for advice,begging for a respond, I...

I am so in love its sickening.

I don't want to fall out of love, but I know eventually I will. I don't want to even try making him mine, I do not deserve him :/. I rarely talk about my love life, cause first, it's existency is rare, second, it's dull, third, I just don't want the whole world to know (unlike SOME people). Even for those who knows, they know I am never a go getter. I choose pride over love..

I think that's my problem eh?

Love is just distraction, until I get that YELLOW JACKET :)